This was a successful week in terms of art/music creation. I feel renewed psychologically. I had a good talk with my therapist..a few good talks over the past few weeks. It was a bumpy road - first I was feeling down, hopeless, so I missed a session; then I got a cold, missed another session. but after our last meeting, I’ve been feeling more positive than ever…I have a raging headache from my sinus that’s a result of my recent allergies development, and usually physical illness brings me down, make me feel weak and ashamed. But not this week..I feel calm and in control of my mind. I feel in control of my life, which is something I have not felt before, nor knew was possible.
it started with me saying that I was feeling hopeless, and that I wondered how long it’d take me to get better, that I was realizing in steps how much pain I was in and how the past had altered my mind in ways I hadn’t thought of before. the revelations struck me by surprise; i was horrified at all the ugly things that i had experienced and witnessed, mostly horrified that I had been conditioned to accept them as the norm..
then my therapist said that he didn’t think i was really feeling hopeless, and he pointed out all the things I was doing that were signs of being hopeful…making music with colleen; making dinner for my family when they came visiting; going to therapy..
i realized he was right; i am hopeful. I stopped looking at myself with pity.
I kept making music with colleen - we finished a song and we’re close to picking out a cover to play with
for my own music - I finally took what’s been brewing in my mind and made a track list of the album i want to make
Another new thing: I wrote a song for Davey’s game. It’s Macross inspired so the track is super J-pop sounding. He first told me about the idea a few weeks ago. I told him I grew up listening to Mandarin Pop, which is very similar in structure and melody..and the first songs I wrote in my teens were complete rips offs of the pop formula at the time (early 1990′s). I was so good at that, I could do it in my sleep. Anyway. I was looking through my notes the other day, and realized I had already written the lyrics a while back - and I just need to put a melody to it now.
I wrote it earlier this week, rehearsed a bit last night, and played the first part of the song up to the chorus for my husband, my voice hoarse. He loved it! I can’t wait to get better and record it this weekend!